The Suggestion

So yesterday I lost my job. This corona virus situation is out of control, I know I’m not the only one feeling it. I think losing the job was probably a blessing. Only time will tell. If it is a blessing, great! And if it’s not, I’ll find out too late.

I was telling my eldest daughter, who turned 21 just today, on a day I woke up, couldn’t get out of bed, and was dreading the thought of having to ready myself in the hours of today, let alone venture out to pick up food and treat her to something for her birthday. In my mind getting up and preparing myself sounded impossible. Honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. Then, I rallied. Like I always do.

So, I’m making coffee, it’s already 10 minutes later than I told her we’d leave. I’m telling my eldest, I won’t be good company today. I’m not feeling myself. I’m lost. I told her that everything felt like nothing. My mind is full, a swirling mass; tornado in my head. I can make out figures as they swirl by and it’s everything. Everything from the past two years and everything leading up to the past two years. However, grabbing a hold of one thing, just one thought, one feeling, one idea, one inspiration, one heart break, it is impossible. This is what I’m describing and sharing with my girl, on her birthday, right as we’re leaving to go get her gift. Rescued plants, that’s what she wanted. To go to a store, buy dying, neglected plants. It's a dream of hers, like some have with rescuing animals, she feels that way about plants.

I continue to complain, over share, explain how I’m feeling, all the way up the road to Walmart. That’s where she chose to go because they take “particularly bad care of their plants”. We’re pulling in, looking to park, and she says IT. Why don’t you start a blog. I feel a little something.

She explains her suggestion. "You’ve been through so much, you love to journal, you could help someone", she says. I think actually she wants me to find a place to overshare that’s not always with her :) I’m just projecting that thought all over her, maybe it was a serious suggestion?

I wrote a blog when she was little. Like 6 years old. Do people read blogs anymore? It feels outmoded. But it also feels good. If there’s one thing I need right now, it’s one little thing that doesn’t feel bad.

So here we are. I'm following my girls suggestion and I'll start a blog.